Chapter 1: The Misconception of Being "Better"

If you're reading this, it's likely that you're familiar with the wellness realm. Perhaps you've felt compelled to improve yourself to become a “better” version—whether that means being healthier, more mindful, or more spiritually attuned.

If this approach to wellness resonates with you, continue on that path. However, if you find yourself questioning the constant push to "improve" in order to feel fulfilled and connected, then I encourage you to keep reading. I pose this question: Is the ultimate goal of wellness truly to become a “better” version of yourself? When did well-being transform into a project with a timeline? What is the essence of our pursuits here?

When you observe someone engaging in yoga, climbing a mountain, or lifting weights on social media, whom are you really measuring yourself against? You are often juxtaposing yourself with that idealized “better” version of yourself—the one who is serene, adventurous, or mentally strong.

From my perspective, what I seek from wellness practices, especially those I see others partake in, is a feeling. I long to experience the tranquility or accomplishment that I associate with hiking, yoga, or weightlifting. I believe that in achieving this sense of calm or success, I will somehow escape feelings of stress, failure, or lack of motivation.

However, it's crucial to recognize that you cannot escape your own self. You carry your perceptions and history with you wherever you go. Therefore, it isn’t the “better” version of yourself that can genuinely feel improved; it's the authentic you in this very moment. This present self, regardless of how many yoga classes you attend, hikes you complete, or weights you lift, remains a beautifully messy and intricate human with a unique story.

The notion of "working" on oneself does not guarantee that you will emerge as a version of yourself without discomfort, unhealthy patterns, or unsustainable habits.

For instance, that sense of calm you yearn for does not imply you will never experience stress. The adventurous spirit you desire does not eradicate fear. And even mental strength can wane.

You will still encounter moments of discomfort and uncertainty. Life will continue to unfold organically. In essence, just because you engage in wellness practices to "improve" yourself does not mean you've discovered a solution to the complexities of being a vibrant, living human being—rooted in the earth (refer to Farmer Rishi for more insights).

Daje James highlights the struggle to evade the intricacies of existence when she questions: “Are you looking for a silver bullet to come save you? Are you demanding perfection from everything around you? Are you looking for an answer to outsource your power to? If you can tune into yourself and ask, ‘Where is my personal agency? Where is my willingness to create?’” While her quote pertains to entrepreneurship, the concept is equally relevant to our approach to cultivating a fulfilling life.

How frequently do you equate the accomplishment of an ambitious wellness objective with the "one-stop savior"? And what is it that these wellness aspirations are attempting to rescue you from?

"Working" on yourself to reach a “better” state shifts your power to an activity or an individual in pursuit of a version of you that doesn’t truly exist. This mindset prevents you from forging a genuine relationship with your current self.

Instead, it leads you to subscribe to a rigid, linear approach to well-being rather than fostering a continuous, evolving practice that resonates with you in the present.

Your wellness journey is inherently relational. It evolves as you do, growing in response to your needs. Ultimately, your wellness practice is not about striving to be “better,” but about embracing yourself as you are and attuning to your immediate needs.

Let’s take a moment to silence the external distractions, avoid spiritual bypassing, and forgo superficial wellness routines that suggest it’s the actions we take, rather than the intentions behind them, that truly influence our well-being.

Let’s reject the notion that wellness equates to being “better” and that there exists an arbitrary benchmark of “better” devoid of life's rich complexities.

Wellness practices can indeed enhance your well-being, but that enhancement arises not from a hurried quest to become someone new; it stems from granting yourself the freedom to create and redefine your practices in ways that genuinely support your well-being.

So, to address the question of our purpose here: perhaps it's about doing whatever genuinely nurtures who you are in this moment. To pose another question: what have you been engaged in that bolsters your well-being in the present, and how has it served you?

Please share your thoughts in the comments or via email, and I would love to compile your wellness insights to benefit others!

The first video, "You don't like yourself? Create a new version of yourself," delves into the concept of self-acceptance and transformation. It emphasizes the importance of embracing your current self while making positive changes.

The second video, "STOP DOING THESE THINGS if you actually want to become your best self," warns against common pitfalls that hinder personal growth and encourages a more mindful approach to self-improvement.