How to Improve Your Rest and Relaxation Practices
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Chapter 1: Understanding the Importance of Rest
Rest and relaxation might hold more significance than you think.
Photo by Drew Coffman on Unsplash
“I’m completely exhausted. I know I need to take more time off,” I confided in my therapist during a recent video session, “but resting feels like a waste of time.”
Before he could respond, I listed various scientifically-backed advantages of taking breaks, including combating burnout, the very issue I was voicing.
“You claim to understand the necessity of rest,” he said, locking eyes with me through the screen. “But do you genuinely believe it?”
I sat there, momentarily speechless, reflecting on his words.
Rationally, I recognize the value of rest. Besides my daily tasks of writing, reading, and coaching, I'm also an athlete, and I've experienced firsthand the drawbacks of insufficient rest. While many struggle to find time for the gym, those of us passionate about our sport often grapple with the opposite issue: overtraining syndrome. The repercussions are far from pleasant—fatigue, illness, injuries, lack of motivation, and diminished performance are almost certain with excessive training.
As an athlete, I've faced these challenges repeatedly, which has made me strict about my rest schedule, ensuring I take at least one complete day off each week (or what often turns into "active rest," since I find it hard to just sit still). This commitment has enabled me to enhance my athletic performance well into my thirties.
The Necessity of Mental Rest
Just as our bodies require rest, our minds do as well. Deep sleep is crucial for solidifying new knowledge; without it, not only do we become irritable, but we also struggle to create the neural connections essential for long-term memory.
This explains why we often have those enlightening moments—when everything clicks—while showering or jogging. Our brains require downtime to process and connect new information, similar to how our muscles develop after workouts.
Despite understanding its significance, I still resist resting. I eagerly anticipate Mondays. On weekdays, I leap out of bed at 6 a.m., rushing my dog outside so she can enjoy watching me write at my local café for an hour and a half. She gets treats and affection from passersby, making it a win-win. Weekends are no different; while others relish lazy Sundays, I secretly dread them, feeling judged when social commitments pull me away from the time I prefer to spend honing my craft.
I didn't always feel this way. Throughout my twenties, I was floundering, desperately searching for my true passion—the thing that would give my life purpose. For years, it eluded me.
I often sought distractions from daily life, losing myself in travel, fantasy novels, indulgent ice cream, and cheap prosecco. Like many, I felt the impending dread of Monday and cried upon returning from vacations.
It wasn't until I turned thirty that things shifted. My late-blooming motivation finally ignited, and I began to embrace my inner drive.
The Concept of Being Late
There may be a biological explanation for my journey. Psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman notes in his article "Confessions of a Late Bloomer" that abilities often develop over time; specific genes linked to these abilities may not activate until later in life. These genes need to align, and until they do, late bloomers like myself might feel out of sync. Complex skills such as creativity and leadership take years to cultivate and rarely develop early on.
So perhaps after three decades of feeling like an outsider, my genes have finally aligned. Or maybe I feel compelled to compensate for lost time. Most mornings, I wake up with the sensation of being behind schedule. Yet, as Kaufman suggests, considering our increasingly longer lifespans, it’s valuable to question: late for what?
I feel most fulfilled when I’m engaged in work. I thrive on the idea of improving either myself or the world around me. Thankfully, I no longer seek solace in mint chocolate chip ice cream.
Psychologically, there’s a foundation to my experience. Contrary to passive relaxation, the moments we cherish most often arise from actively pursuing meaningful endeavors. As Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi states in "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience," “The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”
Thus, my inclination to work isn’t irrational. However, as I've learned through my athletic experience, overexertion can be counterproductive. To advance toward our goals, we must strike a balance between labor and rest—a delicate act that requires fine-tuning over time.
What Constitutes Rest?
Psychologist Sabine Sonnentag has conducted extensive research on work recovery and identifies four key components that promote effective rest: relaxation, control, mastery experiences, and mental detachment from work.
These elements will vary significantly based on individual interests and circumstances. To determine what qualifies as rest for you, consider the following questions:
Is it Relaxing?
The aim of rest is to return rejuvenated and ready to tackle your work. Therefore, it should ideally induce relaxation—defined by Sonnentag as “a state of low activation and increased positive affect.” Relaxation doesn’t have to be entirely passive; it simply shouldn’t resemble work or require significant effort.
Do You Feel in Control?
For an activity to be genuinely restful, it should be something you want to do. Engaging in activities that others expect of you—like running errands for your boss—won’t rejuvenate you. You need to feel empowered to choose how you spend your time, energy, and focus.
Do You Sense Mastery?
The most restorative activities tend to be those where you possess some level of expertise. They can still offer a challenge, but should not be overwhelmingly frustrating. The key is to emerge from the activity feeling recharged rather than drained.
Are You Mentally Detached?
Effective rest requires a complete disengagement from work-related tasks and responsibilities. For many, this means stepping away from phones, emails, and social media—a challenge in our hyper-connected world. Establishing boundaries is essential, even if it feels difficult.
By consciously practicing detachment, I’ve enhanced my ability to be present with family and friends, leading to a greater sense of peace and restfulness.
Embracing the Practice of Rest
“Rest is not something that the world gives us,” Soojung-Kim asserts in "Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less." It’s something we must intentionally incorporate into our lives.
To reap the rewards of a balanced rest-work dynamic—like increased motivation, creativity, well-being, and prolonged career longevity—you must actively prioritize rest.
In my own experience, this has been a struggle. My work and rest often blur together; my training informs my writing and coaching, and vice versa.
However, just as excessive training can lead to negative outcomes, overworking can be detrimental as well. Therefore, it is vital to prioritize rest for sustainable progress.
Chapter 2: Strategies for Better Sleep
The first video, "7 Expert Tips To Sleep Better and Longer Every Night," offers valuable insights into enhancing your sleep quality to improve overall well-being.
The second video, "5 Easy Ways to Get a Better Night's Sleep," provides practical strategies to help you achieve more restful nights.