Chapter 1: Introduction to My Story

In the fabric of my existence, words have always been a vibrant thread. My shelves were once filled with numerous books, showcasing my endless thirst for narratives. However, there was a time when those pages fell silent, and I lost touch with the joy they once brought me. Discovering Medium has become a treasure trove, a haven where my thoughts can once again take flight.

Amid Vulnerability, I Found Comfort in Writing

During times of deep vulnerability or turmoil, writing emerged as my sanctuary. Words flowed from my mind onto the page, offering an escape until my thoughts settled, allowing me to either remove or hide the darker aspects of myself. Composing this ‘About Me’ section has been a challenging task, requiring honesty with myself and the strangers who might read it. Over the past few years, I’ve struggled with the idea that I may not have been completely truthful with myself, leading to a fading understanding of my own identity. Through this journey, I hope to not only reignite my passion but also rediscover the core of who I am.

Chapter 2: Key Life Experiences

Independence Unleashed: A Childhood Adventure

At just four years old, I set off on a solo quest to navigate my way home from school, much to my father's astonishment. I bombarded him with questions about the route, convinced that I could find my own way. My journey lasted only about 100 meters before my father caught up with me, ensuring my safety as rush hour approached. This incident led to a complaint from the school, resulting in stricter monitoring during pick-up times. Reception students were no longer allowed to wait outside and had to remain in their classrooms, supervised by their teachers. My parents lectured me extensively about safety, although I couldn’t grasp what I had done wrong. After all, my father had been a few minutes late, and I was merely trying to help!

The Ten-Year-Old Entrepreneur

Even at the age of ten, my entrepreneurial spirit was evident. During my parents' tumultuous divorce, which left them unable to communicate effectively for years, I seized an opportunity. My father had moved next door while I stayed with my mother, and my older brother lived with my dad. One day, while watching TV, my brother asked me to fill the bath for him. Initially, I declined, but when he offered me a few pounds, I couldn't resist. I dashed up and down the stairs, filling the tub and adding soap, all for about eight pounds. This led to a humorous sibling dispute when my brother yelled, “Why didn’t you check the water?” to which I replied, “You didn’t pay me.” I then stashed my earnings, locked the backdoor at my mother’s house, and avoided my father's home for three days. This event marked my first foray into the world of entrepreneurship and my budding love for money!

Scared Yet Resilient: Conquering the Chessboard

At thirteen, I faced doubts about my chess skills. Despite years of playing, I felt stagnant. The idea of quitting was tempting, but my mother’s gentle encouragement reminded me of the dedication I had already invested. Weekends filled with matches and countless losses reflected my commitment. Two months later, I was invited to represent England in a tournament in Greece, a powerful reminder of the importance of resilience when confronted with self-doubt. If I had given up, I wonder what path I would be on today. This lesson in perseverance resonates with me even now as I attempt to learn Spanish, a language that often feels distant. It taught me that resilience is crucial, even when fear obscures the way forward.

The Quirky Procrastinator: Pole Dancing and Perspective

During my university years, at nineteen, I explored accounting, only to realize it wasn't my true calling. To escape the confusion, I turned to pole dancing, a diversion that not only provided joy but also fostered friendships. The thrill of attempting daring moves, knowing my friends would be there to catch me, solidified our bonds. While it seemed like a light-hearted sport, the underlying risks, including tales of injuries, highlighted its true nature. Trusting others in potentially dangerous situations forged friendships that remain strong today.

Petty Pleasures and Embracing Imperfections

In today’s social media landscape, phrases like ‘Do it for the plot’ and ‘Stay toxic’ are prevalent. While we are encouraged to pursue enlightenment and mindfulness, I find a peculiar joy in small acts of domestic justice, like hiding the remote when my flatmates neglect the dishes. I am not perfect, and these minor acts of rebellion add a unique flavor to life. Amid the quest for perfection, embracing our quirks and indulging in small pleasures offers a satisfying reprieve.

Dreamer Who Takes Flight: The Chess Consultant Experience

At twenty-two, I landed a remarkable job as a chess consultant at a swiftly expanding independent school in London, with a salary that matched my aspirations. I poured my energy into this role, striving to bring my vision for the school to fruition. Balancing multiple small jobs on weekends, pursuing a master's degree in my spare time, and traveling the world enriched my life. I felt like a 45-year-old trapped in a twenty-year-old's body, believing I had a clear vision for my future. My focus was primarily on work and life, sidelining romance. I dreamed of owning properties and achieving financial independence, dedicating long hours to ensure my money would work for me. Although my worldview was unhealthy, I sometimes miss that version of myself, so driven and carefree.

Embracing Realism: Elf Tales and Unexpected Twists

By the age of twenty-seven, my career took an unexpected turn when my company went into receivership. The new management reassigned value to my position, prompting me to resign rather than compromise my worth. Faced with the need to pay rent and a wave of uncertainty, I took a temporary job as a Christmas elf in a shopping center while contemplating my next steps. What began as a source of embarrassment transformed into a joyful four-week adventure filled with holiday cheer. This experience inspired me to make a bold move: relocating to Madrid. I sold my belongings, packed two suitcases, and embarked on a journey that forced me to confront the realities of a rapidly changing world.

Balancing Self-Involvement and Self-Care: A Delicate Dance

Navigating the balance between self-involvement and self-care has been a vital lesson in my journey. Prioritizing my well-being while supporting others remains an ongoing challenge. After moving to Madrid from the UK, I faced a stark reality when my work hours dwindled from 30 hours a week to just 4. My finances took a hit, and I depleted my savings. It was a harsh realization that the skills I had developed in the UK weren't as applicable in Spain. My limited Spanish made me feel out of place in a bilingual city, further reducing my appeal in the job market. Learning the language has been a gradual journey, with each year presenting new opportunities for growth as well as disappointments. An experience with a belittling boss ultimately prompted me to quit and start anew. This period in Spain has been a continuous cycle of trial and error, filled with both growth and challenges.

I invite you to join me in exploring my thoughts on Medium or Instagram at [@safsparks], or track my journey at www.chesssparks.com. Let’s embark on this wonderful adventure together! 🌟 #AboutMe #LifeStories #JourneyOfSelfDiscovery #Musings