Navigating Expectations: Kissing and Intimacy on First Dates
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Understanding Relationship Expectations
In the realm of dating, there is often a considerable amount of testing taking place, particularly regarding intimacy. The question arises: does delaying physical closeness actually yield positive outcomes?
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Feeling frustrated in dating scenarios can be all too common. It's important to remember that dating should be enjoyable, even if you have long-term goals in mind.
I find it disingenuous when women send all the right signals—flirting and introducing their partners to family and friends—yet refuse to engage sexually. Recently, my friends and I had an extensive discussion about the practice of withholding sex. Personally, I embrace casual encounters; I have no reservations about being intimate on a first date, and I don’t foresee that changing anytime soon.
Interestingly, some of my friends perceive this behavior as devaluing. They believe that men will view women who engage in sex on the first date as less respectable. To counteract this, they opt to delay intimacy to avoid the label of being "easy." However, in my experience, most men I date don't categorize me that way; in fact, many don’t even receive a second opportunity.
For me, sex serves as a form of therapy. If I desire it, I pursue it without emotional entanglements, especially with someone I barely know. However, recent changes in abortion laws may alter my perspective on casual encounters—an issue for another discussion.
When my 18-year-old daughter asked how long she should wait before becoming intimate with a partner, I was taken aback. I've always advised her to postpone such experiences until she turns twenty-one, primarily to ensure she focuses on her studies and is equipped to handle the ramifications of shared intimacy.
Teen relationships can be challenging, often clouding one’s focus on essential life goals. To guide her, I redirected her question back to her: “How would you feel if you became pregnant by someone you barely know and he denied responsibility?”
Her furious reaction was telling. She expressed her outrage and made threats about what she would do if faced with such a situation. This response highlighted the emotional weight of the scenario, and I didn’t need to elaborate further.
At her age, with no job or degree and dependent on me, her reaction to the idea of an unplanned pregnancy is entirely understandable. In contrast, a middle-aged woman might respond differently; for me, an unexpected pregnancy from a one-night stand wouldn’t induce panic if I liked the guy—it could even be manageable.
Sex inherently carries risks, and women are usually aware of the level of responsibility they can handle.
Men’s Perspectives on Withholding Intimacy
There’s a prevalent stereotype that men are primarily interested in sex or children, and some women may use intimacy as a bargaining chip to influence a man’s commitment. I hold little respect for anyone who manipulates others for personal gain. If a woman withholds sex to pressure a man into proposing, this strategy can backfire. Forcing someone into a marriage before they are ready often leads to regrets, resulting in a fragile relationship.
People engage in dating for myriad reasons, and expectations may vary significantly between partners. It's vital to address these expectations early in the relationship and observe if actions align with words.
Instead of pondering how long to wait before becoming intimate, ask yourself: “Are you ready for the potential outcomes of sex?” For those who do not view sex as emotionally significant, the consequences may seem negligible. However, for more traditional individuals, intimacy often comes with clear intentions and goals. It’s wise to ensure you’re prepared to handle issues such as STIs, STDs, pregnancy, and the possibility of rejection before engaging sexually.
Sex can complicate emotions. The chemical reactions during intimacy may create feelings of affection toward someone who does not genuinely attract you.
Most men can feel manipulated if a woman expresses interest but refrains from intimacy. A playboy might see this as a challenge, while a genuinely caring man may be willing to wait for intimacy indefinitely. However, if he senses a lack of commitment from you, his interest may wane.
Ultimately, whether you wait a day or a year before being intimate matters less than your commitment to yourself. Consider how much you are willing to endure and how prepared you are to navigate rejection and other consequences.
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