Rediscovering Passion: A Journey Through Midlife Reflection
Written on
Chapter 1: A Personal Awakening
In this chapter, I delve into my recent journey of reconnecting with my passions amidst what many refer to as a midlife crisis.
I should begin by mentioning that I generally have an optimistic outlook on life. Friends often say I can be excessively cheerful or even too bubbly at times. I feel fortunate to have found true love, see my children thriving, and enjoy my role as an adjunct English professor. Recently, my fiancé and I purchased a lovely home and are planning our wedding. My faith and morals provide me with strength, and my financial situation is stable—at least for the most part, considering the nature of my job in education. Overall, I recognize that I lead a blessed life.
However, just two months ago, I found myself in tears in front of a colleague. What could have provoked such an emotional outburst? The answer is straightforward: I was grappling with my own version of a midlife crisis.
The Concept of Midlife Crisis
The phrase "midlife crisis" was introduced in 1965 by Canadian psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques, who observed that individuals in their mid-to-late 30s often felt compelled to make significant changes in their lives. He suggested that during this phase, we confront our limitations, the constraints on our potential, and our own mortality. It's intriguing to note that as life expectancies have evolved, so too has the age bracket associated with this phenomenon. Being 43 myself, I can certainly relate.
Awakening to a Lost Passion
While I have often expressed my love for education and literature, I have only skimmed the surface of my true passion: writing. I began my creative writing journey at a young age, harboring dreams of becoming a published author. After high school, I pursued a degree in English with a focus on Creative Writing. Unfortunately, I stopped writing during my final semester due to an abrupt loss of a manuscript, which stifled my ambition.
Like many creatives, I had countless ideas that flickered through my mind during my twenties and thirties, but I seldom acted on them. However, in November of last year, a persistent idea reignited my desire to write, two decades after I had last written seriously. Though I was anxious, I was equally thrilled. Surprisingly, it felt as effortless as riding a bike; the words began to flow freely once more, even if my responsibilities made it challenging to write regularly.
Teaching has been rewarding, yet after years of striving for full-time faculty status, I found my enthusiasm waning. By the beginning of this year, I felt undervalued—an uncomfortable reality when you invest your heart into something only to receive little in return. This situation reminded me of relationships: if one person gives 100% and the other only contributes 50%, the partnership is bound to fail.
After extensive discussions with trusted friends and family, I recognized that a change was essential.
Next Steps: Embracing New Opportunities
In the time since, I have devoted hours to reflection, research, and strategizing for the next chapter of my life. As I write my novel—now on its seventh chapter—I have discovered a profound joy that many people may never experience. While my passion for teaching remains, I am beginning to question whether achieving full-time status is truly my goal.
I am immensely grateful for Medium, which has provided an invaluable platform for regular writing, receiving feedback, and forming connections. Though I am just starting out, the joy I derive from writing my novel is mirrored in my experiences on this platform.
Now, I find myself contemplating the possibility of pursuing online writing. Rather than struggling against the uphill battle for a full-time teaching position, I see a glimmer of hope—a small but significant light.
As I continue to read articles and stories, one consistent piece of advice resonates: keep writing and practicing. I appreciate the opportunity to engage in this process here.