Having the Strength to Embrace Dislike
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Chapter 1: The Challenge of External Opinions
Navigating through life can often feel daunting, especially when faced with disapproval from others. Recently, I observed my ex-partner and son tidying up the area outside my window, likely to maintain harmony with our neighbors. It was their decision to do so, as I was unable to lend a hand due to a painful shoulder injury. This made me realize that if I were to embark on a journey, carrying a backpack would be quite a challenge for me.
In a troubling moment, my ex-partner, who is struggling with health issues, collapsed while working, and our neighbor found humor in the situation. I also overheard this same neighbor harshly shooing away a young seagull, which then sought refuge in my garden, visibly shaken. My feelings towards these neighbors aren't warm; while I strive to cultivate goodwill (metta) for all beings, it doesn’t mean I have to like everyone.
It has become clear to me that the opinions held by others are of little consequence, and I can choose not to let them disrupt my inner tranquility. The only perspectives I should genuinely consider are those of the wise.
Section 1.1: Wisdom from the Suttas
I recall tales from the suttas about Sariputta, the Buddha's foremost disciple. He often encountered hostility, even from his own mother, who criticized him for leaving domestic life to pursue monkhood. On one occasion, someone struck him with a stick during his alms round, yet he responded with calmness, wishing peace upon the aggressor and continuing on his way. When asked how he managed to endure such harsh treatment, Sariputta simply stated, "I recognize it as an unpleasant sound hitting my ear and let it go."
This profound wisdom is something I intend to apply in my interactions with those who harbor animosity towards me. I can choose not to absorb their hurtful words and instead let them pass by.
Subsection 1.1.1: A Monk’s Insight
A monk once shared in a Dhamma talk that when faced with verbal abuse, a helpful technique is to envision the harsh words as merely the wind rustling through leaves—insignificant and fleeting. I sometimes interpret the voices of others as incomprehensible sounds from an alien creature.
Furthermore, I don’t feel compelled to respond to negativity. If I lack insightful words that could benefit either myself or others, I can choose silence.
Section 1.2: The Buddha's Composure
The Buddha himself faced disdain on numerous occasions, even surviving attempts on his life. One instance involved a man who angrily shouted at him and spat in his direction. The Buddha maintained his composure, smiling through the ordeal. The following day, the man returned, filled with remorse after a sleepless night, seeking forgiveness. The Buddha replied, "There is nothing to forgive. You are not the same person you were yesterday. The one who needed forgiveness is no longer here."
Chapter 2: Remaining Unshaken Amid Criticism
Ajahn Chah, a revered forest master, once sat calmly chewing betel nut when a Buddhist scholar berated him, accusing him of disgraceful behavior. Throughout the tirade, Ajahn Chah remained tranquil, smiling peacefully. When pressed for a response, he simply stated, "It’s just how I have been conditioned." He didn’t allow the scholar's anger to shake his inner peace.
These narratives are profoundly inspiring and serve as reminders for me, particularly when I encounter my neighbors.