A Humorous Attempt at the Billionaire Morning Routine
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Chapter 1: The Experiment Begins
In an attempt to enhance my financial situation, I decided to experience the morning rituals commonly associated with billionaires. The results were quite amusing.
Section 1.1: Early Mornings
The first step was to rise early, ideally at 4 AM. However, that was a definite no-go for me. I opted for 7 AM instead, but I only managed to drag myself out of bed around 7:30, feeling like my alarm clock was a personal enemy.
Section 1.2: Mindfulness Practices
Next on the list was meditation, a practice many affluent individuals swear by for mental clarity. I gave it a try, but spending ten minutes alone with my thoughts felt like an eternity in a purgatory of boredom. Scrolling through social media seemed much more appealing!
Subsection 1.2.1: Physical Activity
The routine called for some form of exercise or yoga, but my version of yoga was more about staying cozy under the covers. Perhaps I could manage a plank for ten seconds after I make my way to the fridge.
Section 1.3: Hydration and Nutrition
The next task was to drink lemon-infused water. I gave it a shot, but it didn’t magically transform me into a mogul. A venti oat milk chai felt far more fitting for my state of mind.
Chapter 2: Goal Setting and News Consumption
After that, I was supposed to plan my day and set goals. My primary goal became simply surviving the morning. I treated myself to a little Nintendo Switch break afterward!
I also read the news, thinking it would keep me informed. Instead, I decided that my horoscope would provide enough insight for managing a multi-billion dollar portfolio. Today’s fortune advised against risky ventures, so I took that as a sign to play it safe.
Section 2.1: Family Time
The next directive was to spend time with family or loved ones. If cuddling with my blankets counts, then I nailed this one!
Section 2.2: Cold Showers
Then came the challenge of taking a cold shower or ice bath. Sorry, Elon Musk, but I wasn't in the mood for a Titanic reenactment.
Section 2.3: Digital Notifications
Checking emails and notifications was next. To my surprise, I had only 78 new TikTok alerts—clearly, I needed to up my game.
Section 2.4: Breakfast Choices
Finally, I was supposed to enjoy a healthy breakfast. I figured a McMuffin alongside some Oreos technically met the criteria of grains and antioxidants. That had to count as a billionaire-approved meal, right?
By the time 9 AM rolled around, I had failed at nearly every task on my billionaire checklist. This led me to the amusing realization that the billionaire lifestyle might not be all it’s cracked up to be. Sure, there’s financial success, but waking up at absurd hours just to drink lemon water and endure cold showers? I think I’ll stick with my non-billionaire life, which suits me just fine!