Chapter 1: Understanding the Role of Friendship

In the realm of love and relationships, it often becomes clear that while love may ignite a spark, it is the friendship that keeps the flame alive.

I never expected to ponder marriage at just 26 years old, yet here I am, witnessing my sister's once-vibrant relationship crumble. It’s almost comical to see two individuals who were once inseparable now sitting across from each other in silence during dinner.

Lily (a pseudonym for my sister) tied the knot with her college sweetheart, David (not his real name), right after graduation. They epitomized young love—dreamy, weepy, and passionately devoted to one another. I can vividly recall their wedding day; Lily radiated happiness, and David's smile was infectious. Everyone believed they were destined to be together.

Fast forward three years, and that initial spark seems to have extinguished. There are no dramatic fights or overt conflicts, but rather an uncomfortable silence that has grown increasingly pronounced with each passing day.

I first noticed this during a family dinner last month. Lily and David sat next to one another, yet they felt worlds apart. While the rest of us laughed and exchanged stories, their conversations were limited to necessary exchanges.

At one point, I glanced at Lily and was struck by how despondent she appeared. My heart went out to her.

After dinner, I pulled her aside. "Hey, is everything okay between you and David?" I inquired, striving for a casual tone.

She forced a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "We're fine," she said, though her voice lacked conviction. "It's just... I think we’re both so busy with work that when we get home, we lack the energy for anything else."

I nodded in agreement, not wanting to press further, especially since she had already opened up. Yet, as I watched them drive away that night, I couldn't shake the feeling that their issues ran deeper than mere busyness.

In the following weeks, I made a conscious effort to observe other couples around me. My parents have been married for three decades, and they still share inside jokes and can make each other smile without uttering a word. My best friend and his girlfriend, who have been dating for a year, never seem to run out of things to discuss, whether it’s memes or daily anecdotes.

Then there’s Deepti, a close friend who recently navigated the aftermath of a two-year marriage that ended in divorce. During one of our meet-ups, she confided in me.

"You know," she said while stirring her latte, "everyone thought we were so in love, and we were, to some extent. But looking back, we were never really friends. We didn’t share interests, didn’t laugh at the same things, and once the passion faded, we had nothing left to say to each other."

Her words resonated deeply as I reflected on Lily and David. They had experienced love, but in the heat of their romance, they neglected to cultivate a strong foundation of friendship.

I decided to take Lily out for coffee to talk things through. As we sat in the café, I noticed she seemed different; tension etched in her shoulders and fatigue evident on her face.

"Lily," I asked, "you mentioned that everything is fine, but you don’t seem happy. What’s going on?"

She sighed softly, fidgeting with her cup. "I do care for David, and I think I always will, but lately, it feels like we’re just sharing a space. We don’t talk, we don’t joke, and we don’t have those little moments that used to connect us."

I nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"In the beginning, everything was exciting. We explored new places, went on adventures, and now it feels like we just work, eat, watch TV, and sleep. It’s like we’ve lost our intimacy."

As Lily spoke, I recalled the couples I admired. My parents still enjoy date nights and have their own book club, while my grandparents played cards together in the evenings and exchanged light-hearted jokes.

"Have you talked to David about this?" I asked gently.

Lily shook her head. "I don't know how to bring it up. I’m scared he’ll think I don’t love him anymore, but that’s not the case. I just miss… us."

I placed my hand over hers. "Lily, it’s entirely possible to love someone while also being friends. Maybe you and David just need to reconnect on that level."

She looked at me, intrigued. "What do you mean?"

I smiled, relieved to see some hope. "It’s not too late, Lily. Perhaps you could suggest watching one of those independent films you both enjoyed or trying a new recipe together this weekend."

She agreed, a flicker of hope evident in her expression.

This experience has led me to conclude that love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage. It is the friendship—the shared history, the inside jokes, the joy in each other's presence, and even the comfortable silences—that form the bedrock of a healthy, enduring relationship.

People may fall in love, but they remain together because of friendship.

I hope you found this insight valuable. This blog post reflects my thoughts and experiences, and I invite you to sign up for my Medium newsletter for more.

Chapter 2: The Impact of Love vs. Friendship

The first video discusses why love alone is insufficient to sustain a relationship, emphasizing the importance of friendship and communication.

The second video explores how love can't fix all problems in a relationship, highlighting the need for companionship and mutual respect.