Chapter 1: Understanding the Game

Have you ever felt that your partner's focus is elsewhere? It's crucial to sharpen your chess skills to safeguard your inner queen from the cunning strategies of a narcissist.

If you're familiar with Narcissistic Abuse Survivor, you know I get straight to the point. Welcome to newcomers—let's dive right in.

You must consider ending the relationship with the narcissist!

(Before we go further, please note that gender roles in this discussion are for clarity. Narcissists and empaths can be of any gender, but for this article, the male is the narcissist and the female is the empath.)

Perhaps you suspect that your partner may be unfaithful. It's important to note that not all unfaithful partners are narcissists, but many narcissists tend to cheat. Accept this critical truth: if you’re not easily manipulated or controlled, the narcissist in your life is merely using you. Their interest in you is superficial, and no amount of effort will make them genuinely happy.

This realization can sting, but don’t internalize it; their unhappiness stems from their Narcissistic Personality Disorder and not from you. Every action they take is aimed at satisfying their own needs, regardless of the impact on you. If you’re currently entangled in a narcissistic relationship and what I’m saying feels foreign, brace yourself—it won’t be long before you feel blindsided and heartbroken.

Right now, you may believe that your relationship is thriving and that love is genuine. Yet, unsettling moments linger in your memory—instances that seemed off, puzzling events that left you searching for answers:

• You could have sworn they said something they later denied.
• Gaslighting.
• They promised to meet your family for dinner, yet canceled—again.
• Future faking: discover more about this here.
• You sense their dwindling investment, and it finally hits you that you feel dismissed.
• Invalidation and devaluation 101.
• As Katy Perry puts it, they’re “hot and cold,” “yes and no,” “in and out.”

This is just the mask slipping, revealing the true person behind the facade.

Suddenly, your knight in shining armor doesn’t seem so heroic anymore. While isolated incidents might be manageable, repeated narcissistic behaviors paint a troubling picture.

And there’s something else you might be reluctant to acknowledge. With all the signs pointing toward infidelity, it’s hard to ignore the suspicion that they may be seeing someone else behind your back.

Take a breath; I understand your pain. I empathize with the turmoil you’re experiencing as the truth of your relationship begins to surface. Before you spiral into despair, let’s explore some questions:

• Have they been distant lately?
• Are you concerned they might have feelings for someone you know, perhaps a mutual acquaintance?
• Does their behavior shift around a particular individual who isn’t you?
• Do they frequently mention this person positively?

If you answered “yes” or “maybe” to any of these, consider this a virtual hug—you need it. They may either be cheating or preparing to.

Why do narcissists behave this way? One moment they treat you like you’re the best thing since sliced bread, and the next, they vanish. Let me explain from personal experience.

Individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder become easily bored, leading to an insatiable craving for validation. Their insecurities drive them to seek out attention from others, which affirms their self-worth. Without this external validation, their emotional stability crumbles.

To avoid that collapse, narcissists are always on the hunt for new sources of supply. This is why they can switch from one partner to another seamlessly. They are skilled players in the game of romantic chess.

(Thanks for sticking with me; we’re nearing the end!)

It may be painful to accept, but you are not their one true love. To a narcissist, you are merely a pawn, never destined to become their queen. They have deceived many into believing they are the only one. You might notice the same woman continually appearing at social events, casting glances your way. Perhaps you witnessed them laughing together for a few moments, only for them to return to you as if nothing happened. You might have even chosen not to mention it to avoid seeming accusatory. Trust your intuition.

A narcissist doesn’t rely solely on one pawn for their victory. They constantly shuffle their pieces to confuse you. Eventually, when they feel they’ve drained all the supply they can from you—be it affection, status, attention, or any other form—they will discard you, often in a way that stirs jealousy.

Narcissists thrive on attention and feel powerful when others compete for their favor. They love to create triangles in relationships.

This is when their transgressions become apparent. Did you know that in chess, when the most powerful piece is lost, only one other can temporarily take its place? In this analogy, the narcissist believes they are the king, but in reality, that piece wields no actual power. Their grand schemes are nothing but illusions! They want to maintain control, using other pawns to replace you. They will flirt with a new pawn right in front of you, as you are led to believe you’ve been demoted.

Friend, I regret to inform you that you have indeed been manipulated by a narcissistic individual. The pain will linger, but here’s the bottom line:

The other pieces are not your substitutes. They may think they’ve cornered you, but soon enough, they’ll realize they are nothing more than pawns themselves. They will come to see the narcissist for who he truly is: a powerless clown. You might witness this revelation firsthand, or perhaps not, but it will happen!

Every relationship with a narcissist is a stalemate!

Remember what I said about pawns? They are worthless without the queen, the most powerful piece on the board.

That queen is YOU.

You have the power to build a fulfilling life away from the abusive narcissist. And that happiness you achieve, which they won’t share in? It will irk them to no end.

Narcissists are incredibly envious of genuinely content people. Living your best life is the ultimate form of revenge.

You didn’t fail when the narcissist cast you aside; it’s actually a blessing in disguise.

THAT'S HOW YOU WIN. You checkmated them without even realizing it. You retained your dignity and discovered your capacity for love and empathy—qualities a person with NPD can never truly possess. Your ability to love and show kindness will always outweigh the darkness of the narcissist’s empty soul.

Things improve after you leave that relationship. The future becomes brighter as you embrace your destiny.

Rise up and reclaim your rightful place, Queen.

CHECK. MATE.

AUTHOR NARRATION:

This video challenges you to think critically about your role in the game of narcissism and empowers you to reclaim your power.

This second video serves as a reminder that you are not just a pawn in someone else's game; you're a powerful player in your own right.

If you're reading this, I commend your resilience!

You are not a victim of narcissistic abuse; you’re a survivor.

It's challenging to acknowledge that you may have lacked the knowledge to navigate the narcissist's manipulations. But it's even harder to keep these experiences to yourself when so many empathetic souls feel just as lost and betrayed. Let’s create a safe space to share our pain and healing. Please like and comment if this article resonated with you or if you're interested in more of my writings. I have plenty to share regarding surviving NPD abuse!

For now, take care, and God bless.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I AM A SURVIVOR OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE WHO HOPES TO HELP OTHERS ON THEIR HEALING JOURNEY. I’M HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK.

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Odette is dedicated to Narcissistic Abuse Support, Singing Tips, and Vocal Evaluations/Reactions, using Medium.com to help others realize they are not alone by sharing her experiences.