Understanding the Motivation Behind Parenting

This week, my son and daughter are at summer camps that require morning drop-offs and evening pickups. While I sometimes approach these tasks with reluctance, I recognize the importance of my involvement. I make it a point to be punctual, driven by my anxiety about tardiness. Each morning, I meticulously clean and refill their water bottles, cringing at the mildew smell I dread. As I scrub the various parts of the bottles, I can’t help but wonder: do other parents put in this much effort, or am I overthinking it?

I prepare their lunches and pack the necessary gear, which changes daily. While sending the kids off to camp may sound delightful, seasoned parents are aware that it often requires significant effort and dedication. This makes it especially frustrating when the kids respond with attitude about attending camp.

For instance, on Monday, after picking up my son from baseball camp, he was exhausted and sweaty. As we settled into the car, I pulled out my phone to check our schedule.

“Oh, Bubs! I forgot to mention, we have an orthodontist appointment in an hour,” I said.

“What?! Noooooo!” he exclaimed, visibly distressed. He has a strong aversion to unexpected surprises, and while I strive to prepare him for what’s ahead, I sometimes slip up. We had to wait in the parked car until he calmed down, as his tantrums can trigger my own anxiety, making it unsafe for me to drive.

The following morning, as I packed my daughter's bag for camp, I attempted to explain its contents.

“Okay, G. Here’s what’s in your bag: your water bottle, wallet, extra clothes, masks, and a towel—all essential for today,” I said.

“Do I really have to carry this heavy bag? Ugh, my shoulder hurts!” she whined as she got out of the car.

In that moment, I felt like saying, “Didn’t you just hear me list everything I prepared for you? Do you understand the effort I put into this?” Instead, I forced a cheerful response: “Well, it’s got what you need.” She scowled and shut the door, leaving me to drive home, not with anxiety, but with anger—a dangerous combination.

Anger, anxiety, sadness, and shame are my warning signs. Over time, I’ve learned to recognize when these feelings arise and to pause and reflect. I take a moment to breathe deeply and separate myself from the emotion, asking myself why I’m feeling this way. Usually, after 10-15 minutes, I can pinpoint what my body is trying to communicate to my mind.

From these camp experiences, I realized my frustration stemmed from my children's lack of appreciation for my efforts. Despite striving to be a “great mom,” I was confronted with a challenging question: why?

This introspection led me to consider my current struggles, including the first-time decision to go no contact with my mother in order to safeguard my mental health and my family's well-being. This choice has also ignited a deep-seated fear of repeating my mother's mistakes with my own children—a fear that shakes me to my core.

The question of “why” prompted me to redefine my Mommy Mission Statement:

Chapter 2: The Impact of Media on Parenting

In the first video, "Da Shorties!!!!," the creator shares relatable parenting experiences, emphasizing the joys and challenges that come with raising children.

The second video, "MC Chris- For the Shorties," offers a humorous take on the parenting journey, highlighting the unique bond between parents and their children.