Chapter 1: The Illusion of the Perfect Partner

Have you ever fantasized about the perfect partner, one who resembles those found in films or novels?

This is the kind of person who possesses both looks and a heart of gold, someone who seems to cherish you like a rare gem. They are attentive to your feelings, ensuring that you never face life's challenges alone. If you nodded in agreement, I must say: ‘That’s quite naive of you.’

Before you react, think about this: Is it fair to seek a king or queen while considering yourself merely ordinary? Movies and books might depict idealized characters, but in reality, people often choose partners who reflect their own standards—standards rooted not in wealth or beauty, but in values, principles, and lifestyles.

Young individuals today are often led to believe that a fairy tale figure will arrive to rescue them, someone who will bring love and healing. Many spend their lives waiting for such a person to appear. While I fully support the idea of self-love and the mantras that proclaim ‘You deserve the best,’ the issue is that these affirmations focus on outcomes rather than actions.

You may want a partner with countless admirable traits, but what are you bringing to the table? Do you care for and love yourself? Do you prepare nutritious meals for your own well-being?

The truth is, if you truly valued yourself, you wouldn't be reading this article.

Now, let’s pause for a moment. Ask yourself:

“Would I date myself?”

If you were to view yourself through another’s eyes, would you find yourself appealing enough to pursue? If you have to think long and hard about it, it may indicate that you need to reassess your self-image.

That said, I’m not suggesting you change who you are or hate yourself. Rather, if you believe you deserve the best, have the courage to provide that for yourself first before expecting anything from others.

For instance, during my college years, I earned the respect of both my juniors and seniors. Juniors admired me because they saw potential, but when seniors treated me with care, it showed I commanded respect.

This respect was not born from arrogance or power; rather, it stemmed from understanding that I would not tolerate disrespect. I believed in treating others well, and in return, they honored me.

1. Regaining Control:

You are not a robot dependent on others for guidance. You are a capable individual who can create the life you desire.

Imagine dating someone who constantly seeks validation for their every move—definitely not a turn-on, right? So why act that way? While there are times when seeking expert advice is wise, endlessly searching for self-help videos or asking friends for opinions is counterproductive.

You possess a functioning brain—use it! Want happiness? Reflect on what makes you happy. Friends making fun of you? Think about what you would advise a child in that situation.

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The first video explores effective strategies for managing unruly behavior in children, offering insights on establishing control and fostering positive relationships.

2. Self-Trust:

You are intelligent. Your choice to read this article instead of scrolling mindlessly on social media proves that.

Yet, you may still doubt your capabilities. I used to struggle with making my own clothing choices, fearing judgment. This lack of self-trust can lead to clinging to others for direction.

For example, a college friend wanted to start an Instagram account but hesitated, relying on my advice instead of trusting her instincts. She still hasn’t taken the plunge.

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The second video showcases a live performance that inspires confidence and creativity, urging viewers to explore their own artistic expression.

The lesson here is clear: You need to trust yourself. Start making your own decisions, even if they lead to mistakes. Each experience will enhance your understanding and build your confidence.

Conclusion:

I’ll wrap up here before this transforms into an entire book. But remember, you can always dive deeper into my book, ‘The Art of Being Alone,’ for further insights.