When I was 21, I traveled to Amsterdam to visit my girlfriend, with whom I had shared three years of close companionship during our university years. We were inseparable during the school year, often spending every moment together, but as many have experienced, such intimacy can be challenging to sustain over time.

After graduation, the dynamics of our relationship shifted dramatically as she relocated to the Netherlands for a master's program, while I remained in London. Predictably, our bond was strained. She began to develop a relationship with someone new, all while still being involved with me.

As my first girlfriend, the changes were particularly hard for me to navigate. I found myself grappling with feelings of anger, sadness, and yearning, cycling through a tumultuous emotional landscape. Despite the distance, I made several attempts to visit her, trying to maintain some semblance of our former closeness.

Amsterdam is known for its open-minded atmosphere, and I had heard that magic mushrooms were legal there, similar to cannabis. However, I was largely ignorant about them. During my stay, I indulged in cannabis, yet I was intrigued by the 'smart shops' that sold various other substances.

Curiosity has always been a driving force in my life; I strive to expand my understanding, particularly regarding psychology. Growing up, I had been taught that drugs were harmful, leading to negative outcomes, and I wanted to avoid disappointing those around me. Drugs were broadly categorized as detrimental, and any engagement with them was framed as a path to ruin.

This perspective conflicted with the legality of substances like marijuana and magic mushrooms in the Netherlands. If they were so dangerous, why were they permitted? This realization prompted me to question the blanket condemnation I had absorbed as a child, especially in light of the well-documented dangers of legal substances like alcohol and nicotine.

Driven to learn more, I researched magic mushrooms thoroughly, delving into articles, journals, and user experiences, even back in 2008 when such information wasn't as readily accessible. I discovered that these mushrooms are entirely natural and contain psilocybin, a compound less toxic than aspirin, with no evidence of causing brain damage. The primary reason for their prohibition in many countries is due to their potent effects, which can lead to reckless behavior if users are unprepared. Interestingly, they had been legally available in the UK until 2005, when they were classified as class-A drugs, alongside cocaine and heroin.

Armed with knowledge, I felt ready to explore this legal substance in a responsible manner. I researched best practices for consumption and prepared for a potential bad trip, opting for the weakest variety and setting up a safe environment for my experience.

During my stay, I shared my newfound curiosity with my girlfriend, but she was apprehensive and declined to join me. I respected her decision, knowing that I didn't want to impose an unfamiliar experience on her, particularly since it was my first time.

I consumed half of the recommended dosage and settled in to watch TV with her, waiting for the effects to kick in. After a seemingly long wait without feeling anything, I decided to take the rest of the dosage, thinking perhaps the initial amount was insufficient.

Fifteen minutes later, the mushrooms began to take effect. Colors around me became vibrant, sounds sharper, and my skin felt incredibly soft. The mundane surroundings of a student apartment transformed into a feast for the senses, and I was overwhelmed by an indescribable beauty.

Time perception altered dramatically; it felt like I was engrossed in a TV show for hours, only to be told that only ten minutes had passed since I last checked in with her. I felt an intense positivity enveloping me, contrasting sharply with my girlfriend's more reserved demeanor. I longed to connect with her, but her defensiveness was palpable.

I moved around the apartment, stepping out onto the balcony. The breeze felt transcendent, akin to standing by the ocean at sunset. In that moment, I was flooded with emotions I had long suppressed from our relationship, which surfaced unexpectedly. Being with my girlfriend, the source of many of these feelings, proved to be unexpectedly beneficial.

Despite her negativity, I found myself expressing emotions I had struggled to articulate before. The mushrooms heightened my awareness of external stimuli, making me acutely conscious of her mood. My repressed feelings emerged without bias, allowing me to communicate with her in a calm and neutral manner.

I experienced a wave of emotions—sadness, anger, longing, joy—each one surfacing one at a time. I felt them completely before they subsided, leaving me with an extraordinary sense of lightness. My ex-girlfriend watched, likely bewildered by my emotional journey.

As the experience unfolded, I felt buoyant and euphoric. Everything around me appeared even more beautiful than before, and I was enveloped in a profound sense of happiness.

The effects lasted for about five hours before gradually diminishing. As my normal perception returned, I experienced a deep disappointment, not because the experience had been negative, but because the beauty I had witnessed was fading back into the ordinary.

Having only experienced alcohol and cannabis previously, I was unsure what to expect from the comedown. However, I felt a distinct longing to return to that euphoric state, even though I didn’t experience the sluggishness typical of other substances. I retained vivid memories of my trip and felt remarkably lighter emotionally.

It was as if I had undergone a transformative therapy session, opening my eyes to the complexity of my emotions. This experience allowed me to process feelings that had been obscured for too long and gave me clarity about my relationship, ultimately leading to a healthy decision to end it a couple of months later.

Moreover, I learned that our perception of reality is intricately tied to the functioning of our minds. Our brains operate through various regions that communicate chemically. By altering this communication, even slightly, one's entire perception can shift dramatically. I have since conducted extensive research on psilocybin, which I will share in a future article.

Each time I reflect on my experiences with magic mushrooms, I'm compelled to advocate for their potential benefits. However, it's crucial to treat these substances with respect and adhere to safety protocols. Neglecting safety can lead to negative experiences, as I learned from a friend who mixed various substances and faced terrifying hallucinations.

Magic mushrooms can be life-changing. They unexpectedly facilitated my emotional processing, revealing new dimensions of myself. They helped me confront emotions I had previously ignored, offering insights I never anticipated.

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