Chapter 1: The Burden of Misguided Beliefs

Throughout our lives, we often cling to various beliefs. Some of these we adopt ourselves, while others are influenced by those around us. One belief I held strongly was that, with the right words and sufficient effort, I could help anyone understand my viewpoint. If someone failed to see my perspective, I assumed it was my responsibility to find a better way to communicate. Particularly when the disagreement involved me, I was convinced that everyone was open-minded and that, with enough perseverance, they would eventually accept me as I wished to be accepted.

Reflecting on this now, I realize how many difficulties this belief caused me.

In middle school, a close friend stopped communicating with me due to a false rumor. No matter how hard I tried to clarify the truth, she refused to listen, seemingly preferring the fabricated narrative over our genuine friendship.

During my college years, I dated someone who constantly questioned my feelings for him. I made numerous attempts to demonstrate my affection. However, in hindsight, I see that the issue was less about how much love I expressed and more about his capacity to trust and believe in it.

At one of my jobs, I had a supervisor who quickly judged and often misinterpreted my actions. Whenever I attempted to explain my perspective, he wouldn’t listen. Eventually, I learned that he had experienced a nervous breakdown and his behavior was not a reflection of me.

Recently, as I found myself plotting yet another strategy to reach someone unwilling to listen, I paused to reconsider this belief. Is it genuinely true that everyone can see things from my perspective and accept me for who I am? It no longer seemed realistic. Where did this notion even originate?

As a mature woman with diverse life experiences, I realized I had been fortunate to exist in a bubble surrounded by predominantly reasonable individuals. Encounters with those who were not so reasonable had always shocked me.

The truth is, there are as many opinions as there are people. Each person has their own views about me and the world around us. Some individuals are open to considering different perspectives, while others are not. This isn’t necessarily because I’m failing to articulate myself correctly, but rather because they are simply different individuals with their own unique histories, traumas, emotional states, and beliefs. Regardless of what I say or do, I cannot alter their worldview or opinion of me.

This insight brought forth mixed feelings. On one hand, I felt a sense of sadness in releasing this naive and convenient belief that everyone could be reasoned with and that people were generally receptive to changing their minds. On the other hand, I felt a sense of liberation and freedom in relinquishing relationships that no longer served me and allowing others to be themselves. I no longer need to exert myself to explain my views, as it may simply be unfeasible. What matters is that I maintain a positive self-image, regardless of how others perceive me.

Section 1.1: The Challenge of Miscommunication

In my experiences, miscommunication often stemmed from underlying issues rather than my ability to convey my thoughts.

Subsection 1.1.1: The Impact of Past Experiences

Chapter 2: Finding Freedom in Acceptance

Letting go of the need for everyone to understand me has paved the way for a more authentic life.